I started this blog over a year ago, mostly because I had too many thoughts rolling around my head and thought it would be a good outlet so I didn't unload every single half-baked idea on my friends and family while I was still fleshing it out. Writing again was fun, I enjoyed it and felt like I was able to find an intersection between my work, my family and my personal growth. I looked forward to trying to come up with something new to write about....and then I just stopped. I can't recall any specific event that overtook my time or thoughts, it just kinda fell by the way side. I still thought about things I wanted to write about plenty of times, ideas that would be blog-worthy, I just never actually sat down and did it.
Awhile back, a work colleague described me as "unwaveringly reliable." I felt so proud of that and wore it like a badge of honor. A really unhealthy badge of honor and a sign of my complete lack of boundaries I now realize, but self-awareness is a journey, folks and I'm still a long ways in coming. But in thinking about this more, I realized that I'm really, really good at doing things when I think it counts towards something or aligns with one of my core values or I'm quite literally tracking it. A friend needs help? Absolutely, I'm there - I value relationships, that totally makes sense. Complicated work project that needs time and energy to get across the finish line? Totally game - My mother has ingrained an unending need to be responsible in us. Read 75 books last year? Done - I wanted to see if I could be as nerdy as my sisters. Year to date, I've swam 108.35 miles - I have a weird need to prove that I could potentially be an athlete even if my own klutziness gets in the way most days. When I'm being thoughtful about things, I actually can follow through on things I say. And maybe that's part of why the writing fell apart, I stopped remembering why I had liked it and that resulted in me no longer carving out time for it.
We've been trying to get Queen Sass to be more consistent and focused this school year instead of just going through the motions or doing the bare minimum. It has not been a smooth journey. It feels like we spend a lot of time talking about how you need to practice reading if you want to level up to more complicated and interesting books or you have to learn your scales and how to read notes if you want to play that song from High School Musical. And while I absolutely do think it's necessary to learn these skills to get ahead in life, maybe there's something to be said about just doing things for the pure enjoyment of doing it and the satisfaction in creating something. So, taking a page from QS' book, I'm going to try to start writing again and see if I can be unwaveringly reliable in the things that bring me joy and not necessarily because of a need for achievement or accomplishment. Cheers to the path ahead :)
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