Husband: if you guys are good today, maybe we can get Yogurtland for dessert.
4 year old: Daddy, when are we not good?
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Outmaneuvered by the perseverant progeny again. That being said, I'm honestly pretty impressed at 1. how she heard the bribe, 2. understood that she wanted the reward, and 3. then managed to reject the premise in order to get the prize. I most definitely was not this smart at 4 years old. I'm not sure I'm that smart today.
These last few years have been much more reflective for me, some in expected ways, some in completely surprising ways. I had figured that the mamahood would change my perspective on a number of things, what I didn't realize was how much it would make me rethink how I saw myself, especially as I was seeing how our kids viewed themselves. I like to describe our 4 year old as "all sass and doesn't give a rat's ass". She generally knows who she is, what she likes and doesn't like and she doesn't perform on anyone else's terms, no matter how much we beg. She also walks ridiculously slow and can't be rushed by anyone. This has also taught me again and again and again that patience is the stupidest fruit of the spirit.
When I was really little, in the mix of good and bad things I heard from various adults, I was repeatedly told that I talked A LOT and that I was great at entertaining people. One of the other "lessons" I learned was the smart DNA resided significantly more in my siblings than myself. I accepted these things as facts without question. I'm not sure why. But they became ingrained and I learned to deflect from my shortcomings really fast. To this day, I still love making people laugh and have a whole comedy circuit routine filled with Ho jokes that I can cycle through on a dime. I also tend to shy away from academic oriented activities. Even things that were told to me as a way to help me grow and evolve took a wrong turn and became prophetic. A dear friend had pointed out that self-awareness was not a natural strength in my early college years. It was intended as an encouragement of something to be intentional about growing in as I entered adulthood. I just thought that I wasn't a self-aware person, period, end of sentence.
What Queen Sass seems to have figured out light years of ahead of me, is that she can choose to be who she wants to be. She may have to work at it, but that can't be completely defined by others. And while my husband and I have a responsibility to parent and develop that spirit in a kind and compassionate way, she does and will have the ability to shape that as she grows. Eleanor Roosevelt once said "in the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."
I don't know if I ever really understood that the process is well within my rights. Patience was never a virtue I aspired to, so, maybe thinking that the destination was predetermined was just easier for me. Learning to reframe and to understand that it's a journey hasn't been natural, or particularly easy. But some of those critical words could've spurred me to be more thoughtful and work harder, and I was today years old when I figured out what Queen Sass already knows. I can reject some of those premises and chart my own pathway, even if realizing it late. But hey, at the snail's pace that she walks, maybe I'll catch up to Queen Sass one day.
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