What do you want to be when you grow up?

All of us can remember being asked this question throughout our childhood and in recent years, a number of people have pointed out what a silly question this is largely because it places so much value on your job as an identity and how limiting that viewpoint is. When our kids asked us that same question and what we thought they should be when they grew up, I tried to reshape the conversation by avoiding picking an actual job and told them that I hope they become kind, empathetic and responsible contributors to society. I clearly did a bad job conveying this because in a conversation with a friend of ours later on, Queen Sass told her that "my mom hopes we'll be kindof pathetic." ::facepalm::

A few months back, I had heard a great story about what it means to be a great parent/leader/friend/person and how we are often accessible but not necessarily available. The example that was given is that when your coworker knocks on the door and asks to talk, you say "sure" but continue to respond to emails, DM's and review other items on the screen as they talk - that's being accessible. Being available is actually stopping what you're doing and giving that individual your undivided attention for those few minutes. Much of parenthood feels like it's accessibility - the kids are trying to tell you a story about Roblox or unicorns or something that you're not particularly concerned about in the middle of you trying to make dinner, remember soccer registrations are coming up, feed the dog, check homework and clean the house up. The challenge that was given was to try being available to the people that mattered to us most for just 10 minutes a day and seeing what effect it would have on our relationships. So, we've been making a concerted effort to slow down and be more intentional with the kids and while we're not successful most of the time, it's led to some pleasantly surprising conversations that have had much more depth about why we believe and do what we do than I'd expect out of a 7 and 9 year old.

I haven't cracked the code yet (and probably won't and don't really expect to) on doing this all the time, but there's been something really nice about slowing down and remembering and talking through our why. And maybe that's where we may have gotten our priorities mixed up in the past, focusing on the jobs or grades or achievements we wanted instead of the why it matters. When QS told our friend about me wanting her to be "kindof pathetic", it took her a beat or two to figure out what I had actually meant and gently correct QS' confusion and say "wow, that's awesome! That's the most important and hardest job out there." QS sulked at the prospects of me wanting her to have "the hardest job everrrrrrrrrrr" but in this season of reflection and resolution, hoping that I can actual do it and model to QS why sometimes the hardest things are the most worth it.